Despite the claims of Canada’s Conservative Party in an attack ad released during the country’s recently concluded election season, it appears that Justin Trudeau is more than ready for leadership – and international stardom.

Less than 48 hours after the Canadian Prime Minister landed in the Philippines to attend the 2015 APEC Summit in Manila, local social media is already ablaze with posts of admiration for the dashing 43 year-old native of Ottawa.

These posts were accompanied by the hashtag #APEChottie.

Local media giant ABS-CBN, reliable sources told Barbero Times, has taken notice and has offered an exclusive contract to the Prime Minister, in hopes of adding him to the Kapamilya network’s stable of stars. The length of the contract was not disclosed however.

Oh, Canada indeed.

A person with knowledge of the situation who spoke on condition of anonymity said that the network saw a golden opportunity, hence the offer.

“He was an instant hit,” said the person. “He trended on twitter faster than Al–,” he continued before abruptly stopping himself from saying the name.

“He’s got the brains, looks, and the charisma of a true celebrity,” the source added.

Asked how they could make scheduling work with the newly-minted Canadian PM, the reliable source said: “Hey, if Manny Pacquiao can make it work, we’re sure Mr. Trudeau can too.” The source’s statement references the super freelancer’s grace in juggling his duties as a professional boxer, professional basketball player/coach, pastor, philanthropist, product endorser, TV host, recording artist, and occasional Congressman of the Republic.

Pressed further regarding the network’s plans should the Prime Minister accept the offer, the person simply said, “He’ll be given his own segment on ‘It’s Showtime.’”

Neither Trudeau nor his party have yet to comment on the matter as of press time.

Actually, it’s not a bad idea.

Justin Trudeau won the top seat in the Canadian Parliament back in October 19 of this year when his Liberal Party scored a decisive victory against the Conservative and New Democratic parties by securing 184 of 338 seats in parliament.

His father is Pierre Trudeau, who was a former Prime Minister of Canada.

Mexico’s Enrique Pena Nieto is also garnering praise from Pinays (and Pinoys) for his telenovela-worthy good looks, but no offers have been reported to have been extended to him yet.

The APEC summit in Manila will be held until November 20, 2015.

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Are you #TeamJustin or #TeamEnrique? Let us know which #APEChottie you like more in the comments below!

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April 2, 2015

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7 Tekken characters re-imagined as Pinoys

MANILA, Philippines – Since the announcement of Josie Rizal, the first Filipina fighter in the wildly popular Namco-produced game Tekken a few days ago, the local gaming community has been abuzz with excitement and conservative commissions “protecting” the heritage of the Philippines have expressed displeasure over the portrayal of the heroine in the game and have vowed to take action.

Honestly, we here at Barbero Times are big fans of the Tekken franchise and we’re excited for Tekken 7. But since we’re a news organization whose mandate is to report on the truth, we thought about writing a piece on one of the commissions getting pissed off at this move pulled off by Katsuhiro Harada and co., but when one of the major networks reported about it, we were like, “screw it. Let’s just slide into the skid.”

So get your Pinoy Pride hashtags ready because we’re giving you a re-imagining of what some Tekken characters would look like if they were Pinoy.

1. Noypachi

We slapped this image in one of our earliest articles. So technically, we saw the Filipino coming a long time ago. It just wasn’t who we expected it to be.

2. Lili de Lima

It’s the stuff nightmares are made of.

3. Alan Jr.

Does anybody remember that ad campaign? No? Here.

4. Martial Law

Nope. That’s not a spelling error.

5. Dr. E

You do remember Gepetto Bosconovitch from Tekken 3, don’t you? He’s the old genius whose propensity for sceience and technology brought both good and bad to the Tekken universe. He usually fights lying down. And he’s old.

6. Zafinay

Her body’s flexible. So is her sense of justice.

7. Dionisia Bosconovitch

Do you have any idea how fucking dangerous she’d be in this form? As it is, she’s got supernatural powers already. Imagine what she can do to distract her son’s opponents if she can do this.

Got any more ideas about who to turn into Tekken characters? Let us know in the comments section below!

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October 9, 2014

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“Red moon an omen, repent for your sins” says CBCP

MANILA, Philippines – Following last night’s total lunar eclipse that saw the moon turn into a dark shade of red for almost 80 minutes over the Manila Skyline, the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines (CBCP) via its Department of Divinities and Mortal Affairs (DEDMA) issued a warning, stating that it was a warning by God to Christians and non-believers alike to repent for their sins.

“If there’s anything that last night’s phenomenon told us, it’s that it is high time for the people to turn back to the Church and follow what we tell them,” said Fr. Chino Paciano, head of DEDMA, in a statement.

“Why, in God’s name, would the moon turn blood-red if He isn’t trying to tell us something?” added Paciano.

“I bet science has some outlandish explanation to offer about last night,” he sneered.

One reporter pointed out that science indeed has an explanation for it, explaining that the moon passes through the shadow of the earth every now and then, and since the earth’s shadow is red, so does the moon’s hue turn to such when “blood moons” occur.

“Sure. And I’m celibate,” dismissed Paciano.-BT

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September 5, 2014

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International media opens its doors to average Filipino sports “analysts”

SEVILLA, SPAIN – “Almost anyone can apply.”

That is the current consensus among several foreign media outfits as they mull hiring Filipinos to join their respective networks’ broadcast teams.

Media executives present in Spain for the FIBA World Cup of Basketball arrived at this conclusion after Filipino netizens displayed their penchant for know-it-all sports commentary and analysis during the course of the historic run of the Philippine National Team in the event.

“It’s amazing,” said one French analyst. “We spend years just to get the hang of calling and breaking down games. But Filipinos are in a league of their own. In a blink of an eye, virtually anyone becomes an expert at any given sport.”

“We’ve been observing Filipinos on the internet for a while now,” said an American TV executive. “At first we thought it was a fluke since majority of posts we read are about basketball and boxing. I mean, that’s normal because Filipinos are notoriously obsessed with those. But as other sporting events came and went, we just couldn’t help but take notice.”

The American executive revealed that they started to really pay attention to Filipino sports commentaries on the Internet while they were covering the Sochi Winter Olympics earlier this year.

The Sochi Olympics marked the first time in history that The Philippines participated.

Genius. (photo sourced from Facebook)

“When we saw how opinionated the Filipino people are online about figure skating – a sport that’s more prominent in temperate countries – we were awestruck,” admitted the executive. “We were impressed at how professional the average Filipino social media user is at breaking down Michael Christian Martinez’s routines and well, everyone else’s.”

Miro Habibi, a Fil-Iranian color commentator who is with Iran’s contingent to the Basketball World Cup, further attested to the growing interest of the international media community to hire Filipino talent.

“Madami sa mga nakakausap ko ‘yung natutuwa sa mga nababasa nilang post ng mga Pinoy sa Facebook at Twitter,” said Habibi. “Yung iba pa nga daw, kahit walang experience, parang mas marunong pa sa diskarte ni Coach Chot (Reyes).”

With unemployment rates in the country at an all-time high, this latest development is a potentially good opportunity for Filipinos to seek employment outside the country.

Gilas Pilipinas wrapped up their performance at the FIBA World Cup with a 1-4 record, falling in closely contested matches against Croatia, Greece, Argentina and Puerto Rico before eking out their lone victory against Senegal. -BT